It’s 3
words on my phone screen. 2 nouns and a verb to be exact. 3 words that all of
us use multiple times in our daily vocabulary. However, when arranged in a
certain order, they form a phrase that’s familiar to a very small group of
people. “Home Finding Center”. And when you see that phrase come up on your
phone screen as an incoming call, there’s one reason, and one reason only that
your phone is ringing. A child somewhere out there needs a place to land, a bed
to rest in, 3 square meals a day, and someone to ensure that it happens. I’ve
taken 2 of those calls now. Ashley took the first. And even after sitting in
hours of training and driving many miles back and forth to and from said
training, it still catches me off guard when they call to actually ask the
question, “Do you have room for this child?” It catches me off guard because,
like many of us, my days start early, at a high rate of speed, and it only
increases from there. I spend my day juggling a phone, a steering wheel, some
wrenches, a checkbook, and what I can only hope and pray are the right parts in
order to keep my already unraveling schedule somewhat parallel to the plan.
Guess what’s the farthest thing from my mind during all this? You guessed it –
“Mr. and Mrs. Farrell, we have a child coming into care that needs a home.”
Then that’s followed by a brief description of the child, sex, race, age. Which
in fact are things that have become almost unnecessary information to me. My
brain is actually hearing, “Mr. Farrell there’s a human out there that needs
your families’ help and resources.” It’s not a baby girl, not a baby boy, not a
black toddler, not a Latino teenager, not a Caucasian 9 yr old girl. It’s a
human, just like me, just like you. If only our world would adopt a bit of that
mindset.
This is
my first blog post and to be an honest, I couldn’t give you the specific
definition of what a blog even is. From what I can tell it’s just a published
journal entry so that’s what you’re getting here. I’m going to give a little
back story on who I am and how I ended up here. If you would’ve talked to me
back in high school or the following few years and told me that I’d be a foster
parent, I would’ve told you not only that you’re crazy, but also that you’re
just wrong. I never planned on being a parent to anyone. I didn’t dislike kids
or have a deep seated reason for not wanting any. I was the oldest of 4 so I’d
had plenty of kid time. And I was ready to head out into the world at a dead
run and kids just didn’t enter into that equation. I loved my life but school
was not my forte and the quicker I could put distance between me and that phase
of life was for the better.
Enter -
Ashley Schubert. Ashley was my girlfriend through high school and we were crazy
about each other. But we fought. Constantly. About anything. About everything.
Lol. I think we both assumed we’d drift apart after high school, but getting
into the world where I could get traction and be challenged calmed me down
significantly. I began to choose my battles and we grew closer and closer and I
proposed in July of ’04. We were young, so young. Lol. But one thing was very
clear, if Ashley was in my life, kids would be in my life. I’d never seen
anything like it, she was like a small human magnet. Kids flocked to her and
she was excellent with them. And she loved them, all of them, no matter their
color, code, or history. And anyone who’s ever seen her work with kids knows
EXACTLY what I’m talking about. She’s a natural. And don’t think for a second
that kids can’t tell this. They can. Ashley has always worked in child care in
some form or another and although I didn’t know it was possible, she’s gotten
even better with them. She’s been to class after class and tons of training
sessions. And when you couple that with the real world, daily experience she
has with kids, she can tell you why they act like that, what caused them to
become like that, and the best plan to keep them on or steer them towards a
healthy start at life whether it be socially, nutritionally, academically or otherwise.
Her love for the smallest of us has truly rubbed off on me, and I couldn’t ask
for a more kick-ass team mate to march down this journey with. Brian and Vickie
– you raised a truly amazing person.
We’ve
just taken in our 2nd placement. She’s a human and she needs what
all young humans need. A stable environment, a schedule that includes a
bedtime, someone to tell her to shower, daily. And possibly most of all,
interaction with kids who have had all those things since they were born. I
must admit, in high school and the years after, I became very negative and
intolerant towards people in our society who I assumed were “using” the system.
It angered me that some of us work so hard and others just choose not to. And
government just seemed to not care either way. In fact, as a business owner it
almost always seemed that they were encouraging me to give up and live off a
welfare check. This, my friends, turned out to be a major flaw of mine. And I
still fight to keep that “I pay my taxes, I work 60 hr weeks, I get up at dawn
every day, I put food on the table” mindset from raring its head. Because there’s
always more to a situation than meets the eye. I have no way of knowing what
these people have been through. I have no way of knowing what their true mental
state is. I have no way of knowing how their parents treated them as a child.
And you know the best part? It’s not my job to figure any of that out, or drag
myself down thinking about it. My job is to help people however I can, and if I’m
unsure of whether a person actually needs my help or is using me, I will tell
you that it’s always better to error on the side of grace. I’m not saying to
ignore your gut or walk blindly into dangerous circumstances. But it will always
be to your benefit to error on the side of grace. Thank you Pastor Brian Zahnd for
making that simple statement.
The
little girl in our home now is doing awesome. I don’t have a whole lot to say
yet because she’s only been here a day. But so far, she hasn’t done anything
they told us she would. If anything, she’s only proven the fact that you’re a
product of your environment. Not that we have the perfect environment, but she’s
been polite, courteous, even helpful. When she arrived she told us she didn’t
eat much, we soon found out this was false. Lol. She is an eating machine, she
must be trying to out-do our daughter Natalie because she has done nothing but
inhale food all day. Then my wife comes into my office tonight with glistening
eyes telling me how the girl came to her and said how much she loves it here
because she doesn’t have to steal food when no one is looking. She’d been being
punished for eating more than her allotment. Here comes my anger back into my
head, “what kind of piece of “blank” person punishes a growing kid for
eating?!?” Hold up there Sean, maybe they only had enough for 3 meals, maybe
that food was for another kid. Point is, again, I don’t know details. My job is
to make sure she’s getting plenty of healthy food when she’s here and is not
punished for eating without asking. (We’re not talking about candy here, the
girl is asking us before almost every bite if she can have bread or pears).
Last night Ash taught her how to properly shower and prepare for bed. This
morning she helped me change a bike tire and followed that up by learning to
ride the bike!! I promise you that teaching a 9 year old how to ride a bike
would never even occur to me as our 4 yr old buzzes by and our 6 & 8 yr old
fly by on their 4 wheeler. Onto the next challenge! Maybe tomorrow we’ll teach
her to drive or mow grass! Point is, she’s interested in learning and is
successful when challenged. And that is more uplifting than you can imagine.
I knew
when we took her it’d be much different than a baby. And it’d make a preemie
baby with endless appointments look like a cake walk. But at the same time I’m
excited. She’s 9 which means we can carry on a conversation, she’s able to go
and do fun stuff that our family loves to do so much of. She’s a perfect
playmate for our kids which are 4,6, and 8. I know there will be struggles and
moments of pain. But this is what we signed up for. As long as she’s in our
care she’ll be fed, bathed, clothed, and maybe even have her hair done! She was
the happiest looking disaster of a 9 yr old girl I’d ever seen when she came to
visit. Lol. She’s smart, caring, and beautiful and we will enjoy and learn in the
time we have with her.
I’ll
finish by thanking each and every one of you who has expressed thanks or
provided supplies or help to us. I feel awkward even writing this but I know
people need encouragement and enjoy hearing the stories. Someday I’ll get Ash talked
into writing that book we always say we should write. It’s a good life folks,
enjoy what you’ve been afforded and help someone in need even if it seems like
the simplest thing.
-Sean-
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