I have officially been a preschool teacher for a whole 2 weeks now and I've learned more in that first week than I could've ever imagined. I often roll my eyes at those facebook posts about how hard nursing is, or teaching, or any other job for that matter. You choose your career and all that goes with it, so complaining/bragging about how much work you do is annoying to me. I hope this blog doesn't come across as that. These are just some things I've come to notice since being in a classroom.
1. There's never enough time to prepare for 25 students. Ever.
2. Weekends are really planning time in disguise. But with the added family and life obligations mixed in.
3. Parents have high expectations for you as their child's teacher. My expectations for myself are higher than that.
4. The degree that I worked my butt off to earn and become a teacher was useless as soon as I signed that contract. Consider your first year (or 5) full of trainings and meetings and certificate obligations.
5. Parent expectations of their child CAN BE pretty low. My expectations for them are higher.
6. Have GREAT insurance. There's always a parent or community member waiting for you to screw up so they can cash in.
7. The support staff you work with is your greatest asset. I would rather have a lower pay and awesome co-workers who encourage me and stand by me, than an extra thousand dollars a month.
8. The state gets in the way. ( Can I say that?) There are too many chiefs with no experience making rules and laws about my job. It's obvious why teachers are burnt out and struggling to meet all the curriculum changes, expectations, test scores, etc while receiving less and less money every year. But most of them stick with it because they love their students and want to see them succeed. They won't give up on their kids, no matter how ridiculous the requirements get.
9. I question every lesson I deliver a hundred times. I constantly look around to see if they're getting it, how can I revise it to make it stick, how can I show their parents they are learning, how can I encourage the parents to work with them at home, am I an effective teacher? I'm constantly terrified that I will fail them and it keeps me up at night, and wakes me up early, so I can prepare for them even more.
10. I love them. My heart is over flowing with love and amazement of each and every child. They all have something unique and special about them, and I hope and pray I can tap into that and help them grow. I am blessed beyond measure to be where I am.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Monday, June 17, 2013
Abandoning the Rules
Being brought up in the Christian faith was, without doubt, a huge blessing. I'm extremely thankful that I grew up in a church, surrounded by a close community, and having my second home furnished with pews and red carpet. And for the first time, I'm grateful that my faith was shaken, challenged, and turned upside down by events in my life and choices in others'.
The events that led me to where I am now are not important. What is, is the fact that I now find myself raising a family in a church I wanted nothing to do with. A radical church with crazy thoughts and few rules. A church that doesn't focus on the pharisees rules of dos and do nots, but a church that focuses on mercy and abandons religion. For the OCD rule follower in me, I feel like I've been drug against the grain every single Sunday. Hearing the same scriptures that have been taught to me since I was an infant are being presented in a totally different and radical new way. The Jesus way. Jesus had to be one of the biggest rebels and rule breakers of all time! Yet I have spent my life consumed on following the 'rules' of the religion, and have missed the whole idea.
Don't get me wrong, there are rules. But the focus is not on the rules, following the rules, creating new rules to make sure the rules are followed, etc.... the focus is on Jesus. Exactly where it should be. I'm so grateful we are raising our children in this church, surrounded by a family that lives out His life, not our rules. I'm relieved that I don't have to act perfect, and that playing the Foo Fighter's in church doesn't require a committee to review our faith and actions. ;)
The events that led me to where I am now are not important. What is, is the fact that I now find myself raising a family in a church I wanted nothing to do with. A radical church with crazy thoughts and few rules. A church that doesn't focus on the pharisees rules of dos and do nots, but a church that focuses on mercy and abandons religion. For the OCD rule follower in me, I feel like I've been drug against the grain every single Sunday. Hearing the same scriptures that have been taught to me since I was an infant are being presented in a totally different and radical new way. The Jesus way. Jesus had to be one of the biggest rebels and rule breakers of all time! Yet I have spent my life consumed on following the 'rules' of the religion, and have missed the whole idea.
Don't get me wrong, there are rules. But the focus is not on the rules, following the rules, creating new rules to make sure the rules are followed, etc.... the focus is on Jesus. Exactly where it should be. I'm so grateful we are raising our children in this church, surrounded by a family that lives out His life, not our rules. I'm relieved that I don't have to act perfect, and that playing the Foo Fighter's in church doesn't require a committee to review our faith and actions. ;)
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Day 2 of More Love and Less Yelling
I did it! I feel like I've climbed a large hill successfully. I say a hill, because the mountain would be a year of success and that seems outright unreachable at this point. But a hill is a great start! I have gone 2 whole days without yelling at my children a single time. Yesterday was kind of a cheat day that only boosted confidence. I subbed all day and then had dinner with a friend, but even those days can be chaotic and stressful enough to erupt a yelling spout or two.
However, today was Saturday, one of the days I dread most in my weeks. I'm a stay-at-home mom that also randomly subs and I'm married to a hard-working, self-employed husband. That means he has no set schedule and is never home at the same time, sometimes not until after bedtime. So Saturdays are usually my 6th (sometimes 7th) day in a row with the children all by myself. At this point I'm begging for some free time to breathe, sleep, or just do whatever I want; and I trade it in for library time, going to the mall, a shopping trip with all 3 children (yikes!) or in today's case: a parade in town and flea market at school.
The parade went well despite the rain and near freezing temperatures. (This is May, right?!) And the only complaining came from my 4 year old who was freezing her tush off. The REAL fun started when we went to get in the car to leave. My 4 year old, all hyped up on tootsie rolls and skittles, lost control and screamed she was cold while standing out in the freezing rain, refusing to move. Meanwhile I'm attempting to put my 1 year old (the size of a 4 year old) into the car, but he's outright refusing because a tractor is still going by in the parade....AND he's soaked through his pants, again. So I stick my wet toddler back in the stroller, run over to put my paralyzed preschooler in the car, start the car, and then proceed to change my toddler's diaper and pat down the stroller that's now soaked with pee.....in the rain. I'm pretty sure my 6 year old hasn't stopped talking, but the occasional "uh-huh" and 'Oh ya?" is still working for her so I forcefully strap my toddler in, shove the stroller into my NON family size car...and shut all the doors. Standing in the rain I take 3 deep breaths and whisper..."because I love them, because I love them, BECAUSE I LOVE THEM." Then we pack up and head to the school flea market in support of our preschool program.
Take a deep breath, because this is where it gets ugly. I had to stop and buy pants for my toddler because the extra pair in his bag were shorts. Know why? Two days ago it was 80 degrees!! Ugh, Missouri. So we get to the school and I drag out the stroller, get the girls out, change my son, and stick him in the stroller with a blanket. (remember he peed in it?) Then we truck through the parking lot now turned mud, and my jeans are dragging- causing them to be beautifully hemmed in muck. Awesome. Inside we find out the lights just went out and it may take 5-10 minutes to come back on. Awesome 2 times. I decided now is a great time to get some lunch so we head to the cafeteria and wait for 15 minutes? They have pork sandwiches. Good luck getting my kids to eat that! I opt for the ever nutritional nachos and water. After Carter climbs out of the stroller 4 times, we get our food, sit down, and Carter is off. I spend the next 15 minutes chasing him like a lunatic as he screams every time I sit him down. Did I mention the place is packed full of community member and parents....and I'm next year's new preschool teacher?!? Awesome again.
After a rushed lunch I take my herd into the gym to look at all the booths. Carter begins his escape artist moves again, screams, yells, hits, and eventually tosses a water bottle, spilling it all over the floor. I run to the bathroom to grab as many paper towels -that-don't-soak-up-crap, and clean up the mess. Natalie's blood sugar drops, Carter's a mess and Kaylea's run off with friends. We're done. I'm done. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, but luckily I'm in public. I drag them out to the car as fast as possible, buckle them up and shut the doors. When I go to put the stroller in the trunk...the trunk falls down on my back and the latch hits my spine. NOW would be a PERFECT time to lose control! I seriously consider screaming obscenities into the trunk I'm nearly shut it...but with so many parents around I opt not to.
Shut the trunk, get in the car, GO HOME! We're done. We're home for the day children, and mommy's going to change into sweats, put my hair up, and take a 5 minute time-out.
But I didn't yell. Not one single time. Not through dinner, or baths, or never-ending bedtime stories and 'can i have...?'s I did it. I'm praying tomorrow isn't so trying!
However, today was Saturday, one of the days I dread most in my weeks. I'm a stay-at-home mom that also randomly subs and I'm married to a hard-working, self-employed husband. That means he has no set schedule and is never home at the same time, sometimes not until after bedtime. So Saturdays are usually my 6th (sometimes 7th) day in a row with the children all by myself. At this point I'm begging for some free time to breathe, sleep, or just do whatever I want; and I trade it in for library time, going to the mall, a shopping trip with all 3 children (yikes!) or in today's case: a parade in town and flea market at school.
The parade went well despite the rain and near freezing temperatures. (This is May, right?!) And the only complaining came from my 4 year old who was freezing her tush off. The REAL fun started when we went to get in the car to leave. My 4 year old, all hyped up on tootsie rolls and skittles, lost control and screamed she was cold while standing out in the freezing rain, refusing to move. Meanwhile I'm attempting to put my 1 year old (the size of a 4 year old) into the car, but he's outright refusing because a tractor is still going by in the parade....AND he's soaked through his pants, again. So I stick my wet toddler back in the stroller, run over to put my paralyzed preschooler in the car, start the car, and then proceed to change my toddler's diaper and pat down the stroller that's now soaked with pee.....in the rain. I'm pretty sure my 6 year old hasn't stopped talking, but the occasional "uh-huh" and 'Oh ya?" is still working for her so I forcefully strap my toddler in, shove the stroller into my NON family size car...and shut all the doors. Standing in the rain I take 3 deep breaths and whisper..."because I love them, because I love them, BECAUSE I LOVE THEM." Then we pack up and head to the school flea market in support of our preschool program.
Take a deep breath, because this is where it gets ugly. I had to stop and buy pants for my toddler because the extra pair in his bag were shorts. Know why? Two days ago it was 80 degrees!! Ugh, Missouri. So we get to the school and I drag out the stroller, get the girls out, change my son, and stick him in the stroller with a blanket. (remember he peed in it?) Then we truck through the parking lot now turned mud, and my jeans are dragging- causing them to be beautifully hemmed in muck. Awesome. Inside we find out the lights just went out and it may take 5-10 minutes to come back on. Awesome 2 times. I decided now is a great time to get some lunch so we head to the cafeteria and wait for 15 minutes? They have pork sandwiches. Good luck getting my kids to eat that! I opt for the ever nutritional nachos and water. After Carter climbs out of the stroller 4 times, we get our food, sit down, and Carter is off. I spend the next 15 minutes chasing him like a lunatic as he screams every time I sit him down. Did I mention the place is packed full of community member and parents....and I'm next year's new preschool teacher?!? Awesome again.
After a rushed lunch I take my herd into the gym to look at all the booths. Carter begins his escape artist moves again, screams, yells, hits, and eventually tosses a water bottle, spilling it all over the floor. I run to the bathroom to grab as many paper towels -that-don't-soak-up-crap, and clean up the mess. Natalie's blood sugar drops, Carter's a mess and Kaylea's run off with friends. We're done. I'm done. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, but luckily I'm in public. I drag them out to the car as fast as possible, buckle them up and shut the doors. When I go to put the stroller in the trunk...the trunk falls down on my back and the latch hits my spine. NOW would be a PERFECT time to lose control! I seriously consider screaming obscenities into the trunk I'm nearly shut it...but with so many parents around I opt not to.
Shut the trunk, get in the car, GO HOME! We're done. We're home for the day children, and mommy's going to change into sweats, put my hair up, and take a 5 minute time-out.
But I didn't yell. Not one single time. Not through dinner, or baths, or never-ending bedtime stories and 'can i have...?'s I did it. I'm praying tomorrow isn't so trying!
Friday, May 3, 2013
The Orange Rhino Challenge
Yesterday I read a blog post (ok, I found it on pinterest) about a group of mothers who were taking the Orange Rhino Challenge. The subject line caught my eye, "I will not yell at you because I love you." Interesting, I thought. I could do a little less yelling, I suppose. That click (or pin) changed my life. Or at least I hope it does. It definitely made me stop dead in my tracks. One mother wrote that she had no excuse for losing control- she controlled herself in front of public every day, even though she clearly felt like screaming at her toddler who was running off from the cart at the grocery store. She changed her perspective and realized she always had an audience, and the most important one was her child.
Scenes rushed through my memory of me losing it- full out losing control and taking it out on my precious children-my gifts from God. I don't know where I picked up this nasty habit of becoming frustrated beyond the point of control, but it must stop. And it stops now. My children do not deserve to be yelled at, no child does. And why DO I yell at them? I don't yell at other people's children. I have remarkable patience for children that aren't mine. Yes they do things that drive me up the wall. Yes, they talk too much, stomp their feet, throw things, color on my walls, use rude manners, drop crumbs, lose THEIR temper (wonder why?), and never stop saying "mom, mom, mommy, mamma, mom, MOOOOMMM!" Ugh. But they are children, and they are learning. They ALSO give the best hugs, love me in spite of myself, decorate my fridge with masterpieces, cuddle on my lap, pray with me, swing fearlessly and giggle uncontrollably. I love them. So I will not yell anymore. (Lord, only YOU can make this happen!)
Instead of yelling I will refer to the "List of 100 things to do INSTEAD of yelling" on the Orange Rhino page.
Any guesses as to how many times I sing La la la la, La la la la, Elmo's World? Or dance around like a crazy person, or even how many times I yell into a toilet? (I'm hoping to avoid that one...) I will take my own advice and use my words instead of huffing and yelling. And I will add to that list "Pray!" Because I'm going to be doing that A LOT more! But mostly, I will set an example to my children that Mommy DOES have feelings, I will express those feelings, and I will take a breather when needed. My children do not deserve to be yelled at and it in no way shows them myMonday, April 8, 2013
Not alone
The common theme in all my posts is this: parenting is hard. Tonight is no exception. A friend of mine messaged me today asking me the same question I ask nearly every mother of 3 or more children. 'How do you do it all and keep your sanity?!' I've yet to get a solution, and I couldn't give her one either. Something has to be sacrificed. In my case, it's usually a bit of everything. I'm not extremely good at keeping my kids occupied and happy, or keeping the house spotless. In fact, I'm horrible at that last one lately. I'm not an expert at keeping my husband happy, being positive or staying on budget every week. (Seriously...food prices change by the day!) My 'quiet times' don't happen every day, most of the time they're short, and my 5 a.m work-outs are only truly productive when all the stars line up.
So how do you do it? How do you make it through the day, through the hour, without losing your mind and giving up? For me, it's whispering prayers of help when I'm about to lose my temper. It's reminding myself this is only a season, even if it feels like eternity (and it does). It's reading other blogs from other moms around the world who are struggling with stubborn toddlers, mouthy preschoolers and colic babies. It's realizing I'm not alone, this is actually 'normal' and that I must keep pressing on. It's savoring those short-lived moments where there is peace in the house and signs of compassion and thanking God that you got through to them on something!
It's unconditional love....and faith.
So how do you do it? How do you make it through the day, through the hour, without losing your mind and giving up? For me, it's whispering prayers of help when I'm about to lose my temper. It's reminding myself this is only a season, even if it feels like eternity (and it does). It's reading other blogs from other moms around the world who are struggling with stubborn toddlers, mouthy preschoolers and colic babies. It's realizing I'm not alone, this is actually 'normal' and that I must keep pressing on. It's savoring those short-lived moments where there is peace in the house and signs of compassion and thanking God that you got through to them on something!
It's unconditional love....and faith.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Are you getting this?!?
We've just come home from another grueling family outing. It was a time to get out of the house, spend some time together, make some memories... and I've come home exhausted....again. Not the good exhaustion that comes with a lot of fun and laughing, but the exhaustion that accompanies any parent lugging a double stroller, 15 coats, 2 bags of popcorn, an insane amount of crap and 3 kids too tired to walk but don't want to ride in their stroller turned limousine.
The only thing left to do now is scream at my children, "Are you GETTING this?!? Are you remembering even the slightest bit of joy we're trying to make right now? Do you see all the effort and love and energy we're putting into this outing....for YOU?!? Do you remember ANY of the trips to the zoo, the aquariums, the farm shows, children museums, mountain trips, walks in the park or train exhibitions? Are you taking mental note of all the cookies we bake from scratch, hours of play-doh, painting, stories read, horse back rides, kisses good-night, and cuddle time on the couch? PLEASE tell me you are understanding that we go to church every Sunday to praise God and that Mommy and Daddy hate disciplining you but love you enough to do so and that your meals are planned and served with your health and future in mind.
And then I sit back and take a deep breath, because the answer is obviously no. No, they don't get it. No, they don't understand. And maybe, if you're lucky enough, they MIGHT have a sketchy memory of that giraffe they saw eating leaves from a tree way back when. They don't get it. You know how I know this? Because I didn't get it at their age. I didn't 'get it' until I became a parent myself. However, I did get that Mom and Dad loved all of us with their entire being, and that we had a happy childhood. So if my children never remember, never understand, never get it...it's worth it all if they KNOW that they are loved and they are important.
And I'm documenting all of this 'fun' with hundreds of pictures, just in case they do forget ;)
The only thing left to do now is scream at my children, "Are you GETTING this?!? Are you remembering even the slightest bit of joy we're trying to make right now? Do you see all the effort and love and energy we're putting into this outing....for YOU?!? Do you remember ANY of the trips to the zoo, the aquariums, the farm shows, children museums, mountain trips, walks in the park or train exhibitions? Are you taking mental note of all the cookies we bake from scratch, hours of play-doh, painting, stories read, horse back rides, kisses good-night, and cuddle time on the couch? PLEASE tell me you are understanding that we go to church every Sunday to praise God and that Mommy and Daddy hate disciplining you but love you enough to do so and that your meals are planned and served with your health and future in mind.
And then I sit back and take a deep breath, because the answer is obviously no. No, they don't get it. No, they don't understand. And maybe, if you're lucky enough, they MIGHT have a sketchy memory of that giraffe they saw eating leaves from a tree way back when. They don't get it. You know how I know this? Because I didn't get it at their age. I didn't 'get it' until I became a parent myself. However, I did get that Mom and Dad loved all of us with their entire being, and that we had a happy childhood. So if my children never remember, never understand, never get it...it's worth it all if they KNOW that they are loved and they are important.
And I'm documenting all of this 'fun' with hundreds of pictures, just in case they do forget ;)
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
An Apology to My Firstborn
I'm sorry. If you don't hear me say that often enough, I'm sorry for that, too. I've screwed up more times than I can remember (but less often than you can remember ;) ) You deserve better and I'll try harder. It was so easy when you were an infant. You slept all night, ate well, were easy-going and the center of our world. We rarely had to discipline you as you got bigger. IF you made a sad choice, you were quick to correct yourself. You often put yourself in time-out or immediately said you were sorry, and meant it. We love you just as much, if not more, than we did that very day you entered our world. However, your mommy has messed up.
Your sister came into the world less than 2 years after you. We love her very much, too. I struggled with a lot of guilt after her. I felt like I had robbed you of precious time. You were still a baby yourself. Your sister required attention (as all newborns do) and I lost a lot of sleep. So much so that I vaguely remember the first few months after her birth. But I do remember kneeling beside your bed in the middle of the night as you slept. I cried a lot of tears, begging God to make me a better Mommy. I'm sorry.
As you got older, I rubbed some of my crazy cleaning tendencies off on you. Your toys had to be in order and your room spotless before I would lay you down. I now see you making sure things are just as they should be before you'll move on or walk away. I'm sorry. Try to let go and remember it doesn't have to be perfect.
You are a very smart girl and quick thinker. You can outsmart almost anyone by talking them in circles until they forget their original thoughts. I'm sorry for all those times I got tired and let you have your way. The best job I can do is be consistent with you.
Now you're in Kindergarten and are learning to read. You can tie your shoes, get your own snacks and drinks, and bathe yourself. You're 5. I'm sorry for forgetting that and sometimes treating you like you are much older. You are very responsible, beautiful and intelligent. And you're 5. I must remember this when you still want to cuddle at night, or ask for help with your shoes, or cry because you're being rushed. You're 5...I'm sorry.
There will be many more apologies to come, I know. I'm sorry for that, too. But out of all of this I pray that I never fail to let you know and see how much I love you and how special you are to me. I pray that God's grace will cover all of the potential damage I could cause, and that one day you will understand how hard I try and how much I want to be perfect for you, as you become a mother yourself.
I love you to the moon and back, Kaylea Abigail.
Love,
Your Mommy
Your sister came into the world less than 2 years after you. We love her very much, too. I struggled with a lot of guilt after her. I felt like I had robbed you of precious time. You were still a baby yourself. Your sister required attention (as all newborns do) and I lost a lot of sleep. So much so that I vaguely remember the first few months after her birth. But I do remember kneeling beside your bed in the middle of the night as you slept. I cried a lot of tears, begging God to make me a better Mommy. I'm sorry.
As you got older, I rubbed some of my crazy cleaning tendencies off on you. Your toys had to be in order and your room spotless before I would lay you down. I now see you making sure things are just as they should be before you'll move on or walk away. I'm sorry. Try to let go and remember it doesn't have to be perfect.
You are a very smart girl and quick thinker. You can outsmart almost anyone by talking them in circles until they forget their original thoughts. I'm sorry for all those times I got tired and let you have your way. The best job I can do is be consistent with you.
Now you're in Kindergarten and are learning to read. You can tie your shoes, get your own snacks and drinks, and bathe yourself. You're 5. I'm sorry for forgetting that and sometimes treating you like you are much older. You are very responsible, beautiful and intelligent. And you're 5. I must remember this when you still want to cuddle at night, or ask for help with your shoes, or cry because you're being rushed. You're 5...I'm sorry.
There will be many more apologies to come, I know. I'm sorry for that, too. But out of all of this I pray that I never fail to let you know and see how much I love you and how special you are to me. I pray that God's grace will cover all of the potential damage I could cause, and that one day you will understand how hard I try and how much I want to be perfect for you, as you become a mother yourself.
I love you to the moon and back, Kaylea Abigail.
Love,
Your Mommy
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