I did it! I feel like I've climbed a large hill successfully. I say a hill, because the mountain would be a year of success and that seems outright unreachable at this point. But a hill is a great start! I have gone 2 whole days without yelling at my children a single time. Yesterday was kind of a cheat day that only boosted confidence. I subbed all day and then had dinner with a friend, but even those days can be chaotic and stressful enough to erupt a yelling spout or two.
However, today was Saturday, one of the days I dread most in my weeks. I'm a stay-at-home mom that also randomly subs and I'm married to a hard-working, self-employed husband. That means he has no set schedule and is never home at the same time, sometimes not until after bedtime. So Saturdays are usually my 6th (sometimes 7th) day in a row with the children all by myself. At this point I'm begging for some free time to breathe, sleep, or just do whatever I want; and I trade it in for library time, going to the mall, a shopping trip with all 3 children (yikes!) or in today's case: a parade in town and flea market at school.
The parade went well despite the rain and near freezing temperatures. (This is May, right?!) And the only complaining came from my 4 year old who was freezing her tush off. The REAL fun started when we went to get in the car to leave. My 4 year old, all hyped up on tootsie rolls and skittles, lost control and screamed she was cold while standing out in the freezing rain, refusing to move. Meanwhile I'm attempting to put my 1 year old (the size of a 4 year old) into the car, but he's outright refusing because a tractor is still going by in the parade....AND he's soaked through his pants, again. So I stick my wet toddler back in the stroller, run over to put my paralyzed preschooler in the car, start the car, and then proceed to change my toddler's diaper and pat down the stroller that's now soaked with pee.....in the rain. I'm pretty sure my 6 year old hasn't stopped talking, but the occasional "uh-huh" and 'Oh ya?" is still working for her so I forcefully strap my toddler in, shove the stroller into my NON family size car...and shut all the doors. Standing in the rain I take 3 deep breaths and whisper..."because I love them, because I love them, BECAUSE I LOVE THEM." Then we pack up and head to the school flea market in support of our preschool program.
Take a deep breath, because this is where it gets ugly. I had to stop and buy pants for my toddler because the extra pair in his bag were shorts. Know why? Two days ago it was 80 degrees!! Ugh, Missouri. So we get to the school and I drag out the stroller, get the girls out, change my son, and stick him in the stroller with a blanket. (remember he peed in it?) Then we truck through the parking lot now turned mud, and my jeans are dragging- causing them to be beautifully hemmed in muck. Awesome. Inside we find out the lights just went out and it may take 5-10 minutes to come back on. Awesome 2 times. I decided now is a great time to get some lunch so we head to the cafeteria and wait for 15 minutes? They have pork sandwiches. Good luck getting my kids to eat that! I opt for the ever nutritional nachos and water. After Carter climbs out of the stroller 4 times, we get our food, sit down, and Carter is off. I spend the next 15 minutes chasing him like a lunatic as he screams every time I sit him down. Did I mention the place is packed full of community member and parents....and I'm next year's new preschool teacher?!? Awesome again.
After a rushed lunch I take my herd into the gym to look at all the booths. Carter begins his escape artist moves again, screams, yells, hits, and eventually tosses a water bottle, spilling it all over the floor. I run to the bathroom to grab as many paper towels -that-don't-soak-up-crap, and clean up the mess. Natalie's blood sugar drops, Carter's a mess and Kaylea's run off with friends. We're done. I'm done. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, but luckily I'm in public. I drag them out to the car as fast as possible, buckle them up and shut the doors. When I go to put the stroller in the trunk...the trunk falls down on my back and the latch hits my spine. NOW would be a PERFECT time to lose control! I seriously consider screaming obscenities into the trunk I'm nearly shut it...but with so many parents around I opt not to.
Shut the trunk, get in the car, GO HOME! We're done. We're home for the day children, and mommy's going to change into sweats, put my hair up, and take a 5 minute time-out.
But I didn't yell. Not one single time. Not through dinner, or baths, or never-ending bedtime stories and 'can i have...?'s I did it. I'm praying tomorrow isn't so trying!
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Friday, May 3, 2013
The Orange Rhino Challenge
Yesterday I read a blog post (ok, I found it on pinterest) about a group of mothers who were taking the Orange Rhino Challenge. The subject line caught my eye, "I will not yell at you because I love you." Interesting, I thought. I could do a little less yelling, I suppose. That click (or pin) changed my life. Or at least I hope it does. It definitely made me stop dead in my tracks. One mother wrote that she had no excuse for losing control- she controlled herself in front of public every day, even though she clearly felt like screaming at her toddler who was running off from the cart at the grocery store. She changed her perspective and realized she always had an audience, and the most important one was her child.
Scenes rushed through my memory of me losing it- full out losing control and taking it out on my precious children-my gifts from God. I don't know where I picked up this nasty habit of becoming frustrated beyond the point of control, but it must stop. And it stops now. My children do not deserve to be yelled at, no child does. And why DO I yell at them? I don't yell at other people's children. I have remarkable patience for children that aren't mine. Yes they do things that drive me up the wall. Yes, they talk too much, stomp their feet, throw things, color on my walls, use rude manners, drop crumbs, lose THEIR temper (wonder why?), and never stop saying "mom, mom, mommy, mamma, mom, MOOOOMMM!" Ugh. But they are children, and they are learning. They ALSO give the best hugs, love me in spite of myself, decorate my fridge with masterpieces, cuddle on my lap, pray with me, swing fearlessly and giggle uncontrollably. I love them. So I will not yell anymore. (Lord, only YOU can make this happen!)
Instead of yelling I will refer to the "List of 100 things to do INSTEAD of yelling" on the Orange Rhino page.
Any guesses as to how many times I sing La la la la, La la la la, Elmo's World? Or dance around like a crazy person, or even how many times I yell into a toilet? (I'm hoping to avoid that one...) I will take my own advice and use my words instead of huffing and yelling. And I will add to that list "Pray!" Because I'm going to be doing that A LOT more! But mostly, I will set an example to my children that Mommy DOES have feelings, I will express those feelings, and I will take a breather when needed. My children do not deserve to be yelled at and it in no way shows them my
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