I haven't blogged in 3 months! Instead, I have been finishing up my teaching degree and trying to keep my head above water with everything else. There have been many times I've begged to blog...but being a 'teacher' causes you to be a lot more reserved in your thoughts, words and social networking! I'm terrified nearly everything I say or post could be twisted and warped into a lawsuit. Sad, isn't it? Either way, I'm excited that next week is my last week of student teaching and I am officially a COLLEGE GRADUATE! Who cares that it took 10 years, a marriage, 3 children and a bundle full of life lessons to complete the degree? I'm almost FINISHED!
There are several blogs I have in my head, so more to come later, but what's on my mind now is the transition back into being a full-time SAHM. I'm so excited to be able to be home again. I'm thrilled that we won't have to pay for someone else to care for our children any more, that I'll be able to make it to the class parties, field trips, stay on top of THEIR homework, have dinner ready ( I hope) and do the company paperwork to help Sean. I'm relieved that if a child gets sick I will be there for them and not stress about who is going to pick them up, stay home, and if they'll care for them in the way they need.
My fears? I'm going to lose that sacred adult interaction. My teaching experience could not have been with a greater bunch in a more perfect school. It is the ideal experience to any student and my cooperating teacher has become a dear friend to me. What will I do without that constant adult feedback? Who will I vent to when I'm stressed and exhausted? What am I going to do with my son 3 days a week for 3 hours a day while his sister is in preschool and the other in kindergarten all day? Ha ha. Seriously though, this kids destroys EVERYTHING!
And...I'm torn. I love being home with my kids, I WANT to be home...but I've discovered that I also love teaching. When I started this semester in August, it was for the sole intention of finishing something I started long ago. I had lost that desire to teach and heard so many horror stories, I was certain teaching wasn't for me anymore. However, when I started teaching I fell in love again. These kids are spectacular. All of them! From preschool to 8th grade, this school and it's students are amazing. I want to watch them get excited about discovering new things...about trying new things, or working harder to perfect their struggles. I'm going to miss the hugs and smiles and "Mrs. Farrell, can you...?" I'm bawling even now just thinking about leaving them. I feel like I'm losing my children to be with my other children. I will inevitably make every excuse possible to come back and visit, but I know I'm also going to miss out on their daily lives. I'll miss seeing the progress they've made, the teeth they've lost, and the excitement they've had in school. Their real teacher is incredible and inspiring. Their lucky to have such a great leader and I envy her so much. I'm not sure what God has in store for my future, but if teaching our future is in the plans....I'll consider it a true blessing.
